so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
