if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize