My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
