We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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