I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
