woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
