Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize