I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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