I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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