Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
