cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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