okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
