The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
