New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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