So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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