Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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