It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
