Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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