I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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