Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
