I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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