i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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