His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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