Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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