she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
operation have a gay friend backfired
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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