I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize