Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
