the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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