i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
