There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
