i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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