sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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