I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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