y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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