Don't make out with my wife yet
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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