So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Too much gin, very little bucket
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
