Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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