Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
