we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
