They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
