i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
