You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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