we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
