I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
