She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
