I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
