vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
