Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
