ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
