She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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