saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
