i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize