The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
