Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
