I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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