like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
