If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sober January is a disaster.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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