What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
