There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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