Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
