His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
