What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
