I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
birth control should be required to get into college
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
