He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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