Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
