Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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