i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
