Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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