you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
