therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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