And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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