If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize